The Woes of Polygamy

The Hidden Pain Behind Polygamous Marriages.

Polygamy, the practice of having more than one wife or husband is often seen as a sign of wealth, power, or tradition. But behind the surface lies a deeper truth many families live with silently: the emotional, mental, and spiritual struggles.

Polygamy comes with Emotional Strain
Jealousy and competition easily creep in between co-wives, creating an atmosphere of comparison and mistrust. Each woman may find herself wondering: “Does he love me as much as he loves her?” What was once a home can start to feel like a battlefield of silent rivalry.

Should we discuss the children who often face emotional confusion, caught between divided homes, or pressured to compete for their father’s attention? Sibling rivalry can deepen, turning what should be a bond of love into a struggle for acceptance. The result? Emotional wounds that can follow them into adulthood.

Ah! What about the ‘heroes’ in polygamous homes? The men. What about the Hidden Burden on them? They won’t talk about it, no, not openly anyway.

While polygamy is often portrayed as a man’s privilege, it can also become his burden. Balancing multiple households, managing financial responsibilities, and trying to keep the peace among wives and children can be overwhelming. Many men silently battle guilt, stress, and exhaustion, realising that fairness is nearly impossible to achieve.

LET ME QUICKLY TELL YOU A STORY…AZARA’S STORY: THE QUIET TEARS OF AZARA.

When Azara married David, she believed she had found her peace. David was a kind, God-fearing, hardworking, and full of promise. For the first few years, their home was full of laughter, the smell of Sunday jollof, and the sound of their two children playing around the living room.

Then one evening, David came home with news that changed everything.

“Azara,” he said quietly, avoiding her gaze, “I’ve decided to marry another wife.”

The words hit Azara like cold water. She froze.
Another wife?

She had heard stories of men taking second wives “to help the family,” of women learning to share their husbands in silence. She told herself she would be strong. Maybe this was just another test.

At first, she tried. She welcomed Chioma, the new wife, with forced grace. She smiled in public, cooked for both families when they gathered, and pretended everything was fine. But slowly, the cracks began to show.

David’s visits grew shorter. His laughter sounded warmer when he was with Chioma. He began to forget birthdays, promises, and little things that used to matter. When Azara called, he often said, “I’m busy, babe, I’ll call you later.” But later never came.

Her children noticed.
“Mummy, why doesn’t Daddy stay here anymore?” her daughter asked one night, her small voice trembling.

Azara smiled weakly. “He’s just busy with work, my love.”

But she knew the truth: love had become something she now had to share, even when her heart wasn’t built for sharing.

Chioma, too, soon realised her dreams were not what she imagined. What started as excitement slowly turned to guilt. When David spent more time with Azara’s children, she felt jealous. When he stayed longer at her place, she felt guilty. There was no peace only quiet competition.

And David? He was tired. The pressure of keeping two women happy, managing two homes, and maintaining his image in church began to drain him. What he thought would bring blessings only brought exhaustion and emotional distance.

Years passed.

The women learned to coexist not out of love, but necessity. The children grew older, confused about loyalty and love. And David, now older and full of regret, realised too late that peace doesn’t live where hearts are divided.

Azara never stopped loving him, but she stopped expecting.
Because sometimes, survival means letting go of the dream you once built and finding peace in the silence that follows.

At its core, polygamy challenges the very foundation of partnership exclusivity, intimacy, and trust. True love thrives in focus and mutual commitment, not in division. And while some may defend the tradition, the lived reality for many families reveals the deep emotional cost that comes with it.

The big question is, should life be like that?

Monogamy is difficult already, isn't it?